Feast of Fools

You're all too late! All the prophecies of doom could not save me, for she let the choir get her drunk last night and we all went to see it.

So. Hunt down Wolfgang Petersen and kill him with sticks.

That rumbling sound is Homer, wherever he be buried, doing 15,000 rpm.

^________________________^

I have to admit that considerable quantities of action-y violence and rampant gorgeous Hollywood flesh could not render this turkey anything other than the pile of poo it was. Which wasn't to say that I didn't have a damn good time watching a whole crowd of Classicists have little chickens all over the floor every time they crapped on the Iliad. ^_^ ^_^ ^_^

There were a few redeeming features: I also thought that Eric Bana and Sean Bean survived the worst script in history with grace and aplomb, though I didn't think Rose Dawson was all that hot an actress. And I didn't mind Brad Pitt, actually, thought he was pretty good in the part he'd been given (though I appreciate I seem to be in the minority on that one ^_^;;;)

[warning....warning....rant follows...unnecessary caps...warning...]

OH MY GOD what were they DOING with the CG???? It's been YEARS since there was any excuse for computer work that bad. You could BLOODY SEE where they'd cloned the thousand ships from a group of about six or eight, and there was one incredibly cringeworthy shot of them all beached where you could see that all the sails were the same mesh in the same position with different skins over the top... *cringes*

And as for the long shots of the ranks of soldiers standing before the gates of Troy while Eric Bana and Orlando Bloom rode through them, they might have been CG or they might have been dummies but they WEREN'T MOVING GUYS. And the long shots of the walking soldiers, AAARGH. They could do it almost eye-perfect with bloody orcs, WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE?

The accents were hilarious though. Instead of packing the elderly-men quotient with quality classical character actors (always a way of raising a bad film) they'd taken a bunch of Irish and Scottish (???) gritty drama types and told them to do pantomime villain. What? What? Brian Cox and Brendan Gleeson are damn good actors, but they're gonna be living with this for the rest of their lives.

So, in conclusion, Patroclus was his COUSIN. And don't you forget it. :-p