Chibimail 10:

The Big Red Chicken

[by Jongleur]



WARNING! Great big ginormous spoilers for FY in this one! Don't go blamin' me if nothing ever surprises you again, the light goes out of you life and you die alone and miserable, all because of this chibimail!



Darkness.


In the gloom can just be made out several strange, tall shapes, which appear to be.... wobbling?


As the lights come up, they resolve themselves into three towers, clearly made of whatever could be scrounged from backstage, which are being used as painting ladders. An assortment of GW and FY chibis are scattered all over them, painting a GINORMOUS (well, for chibis) red bird across the red plush curtains (TM) which for purposes of this fic have been dyed black.


Unfortunately, since the towers are wobbling and the chibis are really too small to see what they're doing, the bird looks a lot more Kelloggs Bran Flakes than Suzaku the Mighty Phoenix God of the West.


They're also a bit distracted:
-Tasuki is leaning out at an extremely dangerous angle from the top of one of the towers in order to drop half a tin of red paint on Tamahome, who is diligently mixing paint underneath. Duo is hanging on to Tasuki's arm in order to keep him on the tower, while shouting 'Back a bit! No- back! You have to get his hair!' and other such helpful comments.


-Miaka has spotted Scoot- er, Tamahome's predicament and is opening her mouth to scream a warning, when Nakago stuffs it full of cake, thus effectively switching her off for at least the next five minutes.


-Tomo is cackling maniacally and kicking the bottom of one of the towers in hopes of knocking it down, while at the top an assorted group of chibi-Quatre, Wufei, Suboshi, Mitsukake and Relena are hanging on for dear life and screaming for help (Except Mitsukake, who is about as communicative as Trowa but is definitely on the wide-eyed side). At the bottom, chibi-Amiboshi and Nuriko would help but are laughing too hard.



All in all, a pretty standard opening. Without warning, the curtains start to open, smearing paint everywhere and knocking all the towers over on top of everyone else. The impromptu fanfare of screams dies down slowly, and right on cue Heero saunters onstage, looking unruffled, steps over the heap of chibis and debris and whips out a scrap of paper (TM) from spandex-space. (Duo, who was only pretending to be unconscious, murmurs something about paper cuts and actually faints)


"Today on Chibivision: Suzaku- his seishi and miko!" Heero looks around covertly, hoping for the usual chibi to bounce out of nowhere and take over the narration, but none are forthcoming. He sighs and continues.


"First: Big Red Chicken no Miko, Miaka."
"She's one of the two (other= Yui obviously) Japanese girls who get sucked into a book and end up in Konan running around collecting Seishi. She eats too much, she's stupid, clumsy and EVERYONE seems to fall in love with her for really no apparent reason. " Chibi-Miaka through mouthful of cake: "HEY!"


(Heero ignores her as though she were Relena- sheesh the similarity of personality is scary, ESPECIALLY since- if you didn't know this- Heero's voice actor is the same as Tamahome's. Go figure.)


"Next, Scoot- er, Tamahome."
"He's a money-obsessed country boy. When we first meet him he beats up some guys who were attacking the mikos and then tries to get them to pay him for it. He has a family, but they all get brutally slaughtered by Suboshi midway through the series, so that's okay then. Tasuki and he fight all the time, fights mostly started by Tasuki calling him names - and mostly finished by Tasuki lekka shinen-ing him. And yes, the hair is meant to be dark green. "


"Thirdly, the Emperor of Konan, Hotohori."
"He's smug and image-obsessed, and will tell you all about how beautiful he is if you give him half a chance, but he CAN swordfight like a pro. He's another of the Miaka-swoon brigade- he even proposes to her at one point, but happily he grows out of it pretty quickly after he sees he hasn't got a chance."


"Fourth, everyone's favourite seishi (except Tas-kun obviously), Nuriko." "Nuri-chan's a guy who has been living at the Konan court pretending to be a girl- after they find out he(?)'s a seishi Miaka discovers he's a man a few episodes in, after inadvertantly feeling him up. (?) He is TOTALLY in love with Hotohori, but before he dies in ep 32 joins the Miaka brigade (SIGH.....), though it isn't v convincing. He's generally fic-paired w Hotohori, anyway. His seishi thing is super-strength. AND- he's gotta braid! BIG plus! (although he cuts it off near the end)"


"Next- TASUKI!" (cheers, screams, and one really loud wolf-whistle)
One comment about the hair and you're dead meat.
"Tasuki- or Genrou (bandit nickname) is/was the leader of the Mount Leikaku bandits (when he was only 17- my baby's so cool!). First time we see him, he gets back from some trip in time to save Miaka (er...well, kidnap Miaka) and beat fat ugly rival for the leadership. Though afterwards he leaves his buddy Kouji in charge to go off and be a seishi. He's got his funky tessen which shoots fire, but ya know about that. Interestingly, that's a bandit leader thing, not actually his seishi thang- that's super-speed, but you only see it once in a while when he does these amazing leaps (drool). He's also one of the only three seishi to survive the series."


"Now- a big favourite- Chichiri!" "This is his real face- mostly he wears a mask to hide the missing eye. He's a sort of magic monk conjuror person- well, nothing else would make that fringe possible. He-of-the-gravity-defying-bangs is the comedian of the group (and has a really weird shrill voice) and is a friend of Tasuki and one of the survivors (YAY!). The other one is Tamahome. (BOO!)"


"Penultimately, That Smug Kid, otherwise known as Chiriko."
"Chiriko isn't v. interesting. He's super-intelligent, gets taken over by Miboshi at the end of the series and kills himself- and Miboshi. That's pretty much it."


"And finally, not that you'd notice, Mitsukake."
"Mitsukake is the embodiment of 'strong n silent', only scratch the 'strong' bit. He has funky seishi healing powers, but can only heal about one person per day (so when Tasuki's almost killed defending Miaka, who only gets a broken arm, WHO gets healed first and WHO has to last another day with his life-threatening injuries? Huh? Huh? Grrrrrrr.......). He's boring and talks about as much as Trowa. That's it. Oh, and he has one, lone, good point- his cat, Tama-neko. Tama is like 'Rover' for cats in Japan- guess what Tasuki calls Tamahome??? (snicker)"


OKthat'stheendandI'mbeingthreatenedwiththingsifidon'tgetoffthecomputerrightnowsobyeeeeeeeeee.............



So, didja laugh?

Jongleur


[On to the next one - Chibimail 11: BADASS and Pink Bunny Boxers]