Chibimail 11:

BADASS and Pink Bunny Boxers

[by Jongleur]


It is an idyllic, golden evening. The sun is sinking lazily in the west, casting long shadows across the stage (no, there are no walls. Shut up) The golden light bathes the scene as the camera pans across the stage, across a half-asleep chibi-Q leaning drowsily against chibi-Trowa, a lounging Tasuki playing cards with chibi-Chichiri (chibi? how would you tell?) and chibi-Kurama, Wufei lazily beating Zechs about the head with a big club, and Heero chasing Duo across stage right- chibi-D waving a pair of boxers like a flag. The music swells, and.... "DUO! OMAE O KOROSU! GIVE THEM BACK!" "Bwahahahahahaha! Little pink bunnies! Little pink bunnies!"


--THUMP--.


Yup, it's business as usual.


Duo picks himself up and glances ruefully down at chibi-Heero, who is unconscious due to having run into a wall at unimaginable speed.


[Interlude: Dr. J pops up with a pointer and a big pad of paper 'n' blueprints. 'Yes, the Yuy model, despite a series of upgrades and its quite astonishing firepower, will never quite match the Maxwell model in terms of sheer manoeuvrability. It also suffers from a somewhat unfortunate response flaw, in that after a stimulus it becomes dangerously single-minded in pursuing its designated task- in this instance, recovering the pink bunny boxers- and therefore tends to do dumb things like run into a wall. Now if he'd had the foresight to apply a Melted Titanium-level Yuy Death Glare at anything other than Maxwell, he could have disintegrated the wall before hitting it. (sigh) Oh well. Back to the drawing board....' He pops back down again. End interlude.]


Duo inspects his trophy, the pink-bunny-boxers (henceforth to be known as PBBs), then grins evilly and hangs them on a convenient pole (tm), right in the middle of the stage, where nobody can possibly miss them. The other G-boys raise their eyebrows; Wufei starts whistling the funeral march, while Trowa produces a World War Two-style steel helmet from spandex- err, very-tight-jeans-space, and pops it on chibi-Q's head (he's fallen asleep, lulled by the familiar sound of Heero trying to commit major homicide)


The Omniscient, Omnipotent, Omnipresent and Omni-asinine Author: Ahem!


Duo strikes a pose as the spotlight hits him. "Yo minna! Firefly-sama, Jongleur hasn't got much to say today and is only emailing you out of guilt that she hasn't recently, so this one's gonna be low on content and high on chibis. Which is cool."


The OOOA: OK. Do the introduction.


Duo, looking up, v unimpressed: "The Ooo-ah? What are you on, woman? Get yourself a decent nom d'anime, for gods' sake. Like the God of Death, for instance." <preens>


The OOOA: <growl> A minute ago it was 'Jongleur-sama'- now it's WOMAN? You sound like Wufei. (Duo and Wufei, simultaneously: "HEY!" Honestly, you elevate a chibi to Muse level, and suddenly they lose all respect. It's- (sob) so- (sob) depressing! <Breaks down in tears>


(looks up again, to find the chibis have all gathered round Tasuki and Chichiri for a game of poker, and are completely ignoring her angst. The cards are full-size, which means that it takes two chibis to lift them, apart from the various genetically-augmented/super-strong/youkai ones... They are therefore playing in teams.) Sigh. What does it take- ooh! STRIP poker!


While the OOOA's distracted, Treize strolls on, glances at the pointer he's carrying contemptuously, and throws it backstage, where Wufei and Zechs immediately start fighting over it. Instead, he draws his sword slowly- (Duo: "Ooh! Symbolism! Symbolism!" <is knocked out by Tamahome with a playing card>) -and indicates the game. "Now here, as you can see, we have a very representative piece of social interaction. (The gang: "OOOHHH" as Kurama removes his shirt. Even Treize loses it for a moment.) Um... yes, social interaction. The intricacies of chibi relationships are complexified by the omnipresent interactional relativity-" Chibi-Yuusuke and Kuwabara interrupt, trotting across stage left to right, carrying a big banner reading 'STOP!' Halfway across they stop and turn the banner over, to reveal: 'This banner was brought to you by BADASS.'


Everyone: "BADASS???"


Kuwabara: "Brats And Delinquents Against Superfluous Syllables. Gotta problem? Cos I, the great Kazuma Kuwabara, will personally kick your ass to-"


Treize: (interrupting, VERY appreciatively) "And who might you be?"


Yuusuke: <gulp>


Treize: "My, you look rather like my Dragon over there...."


Wufei: "OH NO! Zechs! Injustice!" (Instantly united against adversity, the two chibis race over and each grab Treize firmly by an arm)


Zechs: "Come on, sir! Walkies!" <Treize: "Awwww!" as they drag him away....> :::PAUSE CHIBIMAIL:::


WARNING: The following events have been put into slow motion in order to tap their full comic potential.


:::PLAY CHIBIMAIL:::


As chibi-Wu and chibi-Z drag an elegantly kicking and screaming Treize away, his sword flies out of his hand and cuts through the BADASS banner. Half of the banner drops out of a still slack-jawed Yuusuke's hand and trips up chibi-Tamahome. Tama falls into Tasuki, who falls into Chichiri (Chichiri, in a slowed-down bass version of his voice: "HEY na no da!"), who falls into Kurama, who falls into Hiei (who doesn't look too displeased at a red-haired bishounen unexpectedly landing in his lap), who hits the floor with a thump because Duo has jumped up and out of the way, and therefore looks up, meets a smug grin, grins back even more smugly and yanks the braid HARD.....


....Duo eeps, falls dramatically over backwards and boots chibi-Q (also standing) in the backside as he falls. Quatre goes 'oof' and staggers while the WW2 helmet flies off his head and ricochets around the room. Chibi-Q grabs the convenient pole (tm) causing it to dip dramatically, so that Heero (who is just waking up) is presented with his own PBBs, dangling two inches from his face. Heero shouts "DUO!" and leaps to his feet in a breathtaking display of gymnastic ability and martial skill- whereupon the ricocheting helmet hits him right between the eyes.


Who needs cabaret?



So, didja laugh?

Jongleur


[On to the next one - Chibimail 12: Get Well Soon]