Muddled Waters
[Part Four]
by MadamHydra
Last revised: 08/20/00
Well, after watching 12 straight episodes of Haunted Junction and
listening continuously to "Just a Girl" and "Spiderweb" by No Doubt, I
was *finally* in the right mood to work on this GW/Ranma semi-xover.
This part is short and silly, but I hope you enjoy it. ^_^;
Disclaimer: (Full Disclaimers at the end) Gundam Wing is copyright of
its respective creators and all distributors of their work and used
without permission.
WARNINGS: yaoi hints, sexual innuendo of various sorts, comedic
OOC-ness
Pairings: 1+2/2+1 (naturally!)
Archive: http://www.geocities.com/madamhydra/GW.html
Notes: General craziness ahead, so please securely stow your sanity
in the overhead compartments or under the seat in front of you, and
fasten your seat belt.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'Cause I'm just a girl
I'd rather not be
'Cause they won't let me drive
Late at night
I'm just a girl
Guess I'm some kind of freak
'Cause they all sit and stare
With their eyes
I'm just a girl
Take a good look at me
Just your typical prototype
Oh...I've had it up to here!
Oh...am I making myself clear?
-- "Just a Girl" by No Doubt
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[ girls' dorm, Rinkan campus ]
Heero stood in the doorway to the bathroom, visibly fuming. His
blazing cobalt stare took in the sight of the sopping wet and
apparently naked forms of Duo, Dorothy, and Relena as they sat and
panted in the luxurious hot tub.
"DU-O...," Heero said in a low, ominous growl.
As soon as she caught sight of the Wing pilot, Relena bounced to
her feet. She then froze as she realized her state of near nudity,
then unleashed a high, piercing shriek as she frantically covered her
breasts with her hands and dropped back into the hot water.
The Wing pilot winced visibly at Relena's scream and clenched his
teeth so hard that Duo thought he heard Heero's tooth enamel cracking,
The long-haired teenager lunged to his feet -- causing Relena to
utter another horrified squeak at his state of complete nakedness --
and hastily raised his hands in a placating gesture.
"Now wait, Heero! It's not what you think...!"
Duo's voice trailed off into nervous chuckles as Heero pinned him
with a ferocious stare.
"And WHAT am I supposed to NOT think it is?" the Wing pilot
continued in that same dangerous tone.
--------------------------------------------
Relena wondered if it was possible to die from utter humiliation.
Here she was, virtually naked except for her pink lace panties --
trapped in the most scandalous situation imaginable with Duo Maxwell,
of all people! Still covering her breasts with one hand, she waved a
clenched fist in the Deathscythe pilot's direction.
"MAXWELL! How DARE you flaunt your nude body in front of an
innocent girl!? Have you no sense of shame, you pervert!? "
Dorothy turned her head and glared at Relena. "You're the LAST
person who should be accusing another of being a pervert!"
Relena blushed even more and instinctively sought support from the
Wing pilot.
"Heero, surely you don't think that *I*...!"
To her dismay, Relena discovered that Heero was completely
ignoring her in favor of Duo, despite her state of undress.
"Man, I can explain!!!" Duo yelped.
"Then EXPLAIN," Heero retorted with a stony expression on his
face.
The Peacecraft uttered a loud sob. Heero's gaze flicked toward
her, then immediately returned his attention back to the plainly naked
Duo.
The embarassment of being so casually dismissed was simply too
much for Relena. Didn't he WANT to look at her gorgeous, nubile body?
With a wail of embarassment, she jumped to her feet and clumsily
tried to scramble from the tub.
Unfortunately, her foot slipped on the slick marble surface. As
she toppled back into the hot tub, arms flailing wildly, Relena's
elbow smashed into and dealt a near-mortal blow to the tub's
temperature controls. Freezing cold water poured forth in an
uncontrollable torrent into the tub just as the drain opened wide and
sucked away the hot water at a prodigious rate.
Both Dorothy and Duo only had time to cringe and utter a
terrified, "AIIIII!!!" before Relena's falling body sent a small tidal
wave of icy water over them.
A baffled Heero stared in bemusement as the others disappeared
under the seething surface of the bath water. As he watched the
occasional limbs burst out of the water, then resubmerge, the Wing
pilot wondered if he should haul Duo and the others out. After all,
he really didn't want them drown. He wanted to kill Relena and Duo
personally.
--------------------------------------------
Just as Heero was about to interfere, the three Jusenkyo victims
resurfaced with a huge whoosh. Two girls and one boy had disappeared
under the roiling waters of the tub -- two girls and one boy
emerged... sort of.
If Heero had only Duo's transformation into a girl -- and a very
attractive girl, at that -- to cope with, he probably could have
managed. But he was completely unprepared for the oddly familiar
looking blond-haired teenaged BOY who erupted out of the water, then
immediately lunged toward Duo with an absolutely idiotic leer on his
face.
And when he got a good look at the third occupant of the tub, the
Wing pilot's jaw nearly hit the floor in shock as Dorothy thrashed her
tail and uttered a singularly cat-like yowl of panicked fury.
--------------------------------------------
"DOWN BOY!!!" Duo shouted furiously as he intercepted Relena-kun's
lunge and shoved the lecherous teenager's head underwater so hard that
Relena's chin hit the tub bottom with a distinct clunk. Sadly, the
dunking and impact did nothing to quell Relena's enthusiasm.
Duo turned to Heero and was taken aback at the 'deer caught in car
headlights' expression on the Wing pilot's face. For a few seconds,
he couldn't figure out what on earth could cause Heero to freeze like
that, then he suddenly remembered about Dorothy's curse and its effect
on guys....
"Oh shit...," Duo muttered as he observed the glazed look in
Heero's eyes. The other pilot looked like he was on the verge of a
mental meltdown. A faint trickle of blood began to seep from Heero's
nose as first one pearl-like breast, then the other breast slid free
of Dorothy-neko's haltertop -- if pearls could be the size of
prize-winning cantaloupes, that is -- as she jiggled up and down,
trying to shake the water out of her furry, pointed ears.
The Deathscythe pilot acted instantly to rescue the obviously
overwhelmed Heero. He took a firm grip of Relena's hair and hauled
the lecherous girl-turned-boy out of the water.
"Hate to do this to ya, but CATCH!"
Duo then tossed Relena right at the unsuspecting Dorothy.
"Doro-chan! Come to baby!" Relena-kun shouted gleefully as she
wrapped her arms around the shocked Catalonia with the strength of an
anaconda.
"ARGHH!!!!"
Duo-chan jumped out of the tub -- still stark naked, perky breasts
a-bouncing -- and dashed across the bathroom to grab Heero by the
collar of his school jacket and the waistband of his pants.
"Duo, you bastard!" the Catalonia howled behind him.
"Hang in there, Doro! I'll be right back!" Duo shouted at her as
he hauled the stunned Wing pilot out of the bathroom. Once in the
living room, the long-haired teenager yanked open the first door he
saw -- a coat closet -- and hastily threw Heero through the opening.
As the Wing pilot's forehead connected with the back of the closet
with a resounding thud, Duo slammed the door shut and locked it.
"Maxwell, get your ass back in HERE!!!" Dorothy's words were
broken by loud pounding sounds.
Duo leaned back against the closet door, took a deep breath, and
charged back into the bathroom which was now looking like a
battlefield.
--------------------------------------------
As Heero slowly slid toward the floor and unconsciousness, he
caught the following disjointed noises:
<'BLAM BLAM BLAM>
"Move 'em hands or lose 'em, bud!"
"Oooohhh, Duo-chan, you're so beautiful when you're angry...."
"LET GO OF MY TAIL, YOU HENTAI JERK!!!"
"No way, kitty!"
"KY-AHHH!!!"
<silence>
"Ooh, nice move, Dorothy."
"I'm a black belt in three martial arts, thank you."
"I just fight mean and dirty."
"Whatever works."
<moan>
"Quick, tie the damn pervert up before he... she... whatever!...
wakes up!"
<ripping of fabric> <shuffling>
"You've got one hell of an artistic way with rope, Dorothy."
"You're not too bad yourself."
<groan> "Woah, major league bondage! Damn, you girls are kinky."
I *LIKE* it!"
"Shut up or we'll give you a first-hand demonstration of the 'D'
in B&D."
"....ouchie...."
--------------------------------------------
[ Mr. Lonfu's rose garden ]
Amid the ruins of the unfortunate Mr. Lonfu's garden, Wufei was
fully occupied with placing hot little love nips along the full length
of his companion's spine... and what a prettily curvaceous spine it
was!
They writhed around each other, nibbling, clawing, licking, and
fornicating like mad. Fortunately, rose thorns were no match for
draconian scales as they rolled wantonly amid a fortune in prize rose
bushes. The crushed and shredded petals filled the air with an
intoxicating perfume which drove the two dragons to even greater
enthusiasm.
And with long, sinuous bodies with serpent-like flexibility,
dragon sex could be EXTREMELY creative.
--------------------------------------------
[ Treize's hotel suite ]
Lucrezia Noin could only sit on the bedroom floor and stare at the
damp, singularly guilty looking couple of Lady Une and Zechs, who sat
on the bed clad in bathrobes and nothing else.
Zechs jumped to his feet and blurted, "Noin!"
Une coughed awkwardly and put on her glasses.
"Ex... excuse me... I didn't mean to... that is to say...." Noin
turned to Zechs and said in accusing tones, "Une!?"
He sighed and said, "It's not what it seems...."
Noin scrambled to her feet and shouted, "How long has this been
going on!?"
"Nothing's going on!"
"Do you think I'm an idiot!?"
Une stood up and adjusted her wet robe with military precision and
said, "I need to change."
Zechs jabbed a finger in her direction and snapped, "Don't you
dare run off and desert me, Une! You're part of this fiasco, too. In
fact, it's really YOUR fault. If it wasn't for you, Treize and I
wouldn't be in this tangled mess!"
Une's eyeglasses glinted ominously as she gritted her teeth and
said, "Don't you dare put all the blame on me. You were right there,
in the middle of it all. You have to bear SOME responsibility for
what happened to Lord Treize."
Noin's eyes widened in shock as she stared at Zechs. "She... you
and Treize... at the same time?"
Une sniffed irritably and said, "It was simply an unfortunate
accident."
"Oh sure," Zechs retorted snidely.
The black-haired officer glared at Une and shouted in outrage,
"BOTH of them!? At once!? What sort of woman are you?"
"What the hell are you talking about, Noin? Regardless of what
Zechs may think, I was NOT out to get both him and Treize. It just
happened."
"It... it just... HAPPENED?"
"Yes. Exactly."
"Then... then it was just... the one time?"
Une said acerbically, "I think that ONCE is more than enough for
all of us! I have no desire to do it again."
"That's... a relief, of sorts," Noin muttered as she stumbled out
of the bedroom.
Une gave Zechs an odd look before asking, "Why do I have the
feeling that we were talking about two completely different things?
After all, who would want to fall into a cursed Jusenkyo spring more
than once?"
--------------------------------------------
In the living room of the hotel suite, Noin paced back and forth,
thinking furiously.
(Unbelievable to think of Une having sex with Zechs and Treize at
the same time! What a tramp! And she always seemed so frigid....
But if it happened only once....)
She glared around the elegantly furnished room.
(But damn it, it's so unfair! If Zechs was so eager to sleep with
someone, why didn't he sleep with me? It's not as if I haven't
dropped enough hints about it! But he's keeps telling me that he's
too busy to think about personal relationships... then he sleeps with
Une, of all people! And Treize!)
Noin finally snapped. Grabbing the first thing she saw and using
both hands, she hurtled it in the general direction of the bedroom
door.
The large glass vase of fresh cut flowers flew across the room and
went high, striking the wall just above the bedroom door. The
shattered vase released a cascade of cold water and battered floral
stems just as Zechs and Une both stepped through the doorway.
Noin stared blankly at the six foot tall, glass-wearing,
sign-toting panda and the platinum blond five-tailed fox standing in
front of her, then promptly fainted.
{Hell and damnation. Not again,} Une-panda's sign said as she
scowled in disgust.
--------------------------------------------
[ Sally Po's medical clinic ]
Sally Po protested, "But it's still raining outside!"
Quatre said urgently, "I know that, but I'm also worried about
Duo! Heero doesn't sound like he's taking this Jusenkyo matter well.
I'm concerned that he might get carried away and...."
The doctor raised an eyebrow and said, "And what?"
The blond pilot flushed slightly, "Well, Heero is very good at
handling unexpected thing during missions, but I've also noticed that
he doesn't take more... personal surprises well. Especially surprises
involving Duo."
Trowa murmured, "That's true."
Sally frowned. "Do you seriously think that he'll hurt Duo?"
Quatre hastily said, "No no no. It's not that... but I still
would feel better if I could just check on Duo and see for myself how
Heero's coping."
She rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "Well, considering the weather,
you pretty much count on changing into your cursed forms. Now I might
have problems carting around a forty-some pound wildcat, but I could
easily hide a small piglet in a large purse or satchel."
Quatre turned and gave Trowa a hopeful look. The Heavyarms pilot
shrugged in resignation and reached for the water pitcher.
--------------------------------------------
[ girls' dorm, Rinkan campus ]
As he slowly awakened, Heero gradually became aware that he was
resting on a comfortable sofa with a damp cloth on his aching
forehead.
"Hey man, you're finally awake!" Duo said cheerfully in his now
familiar female voice. "I was starting to get worried."
"Just how hard did you throw him?" asked Dorothy.
Duo replied sheepishly, "I didn't think it was that hard."
"That was a dirty trick you pulled on me."
"Geez, it was the only thing I could think on the spur of the
moment. I came right back and pried her off you, didn't I?"
"So you did. But still...."
"Sheesh, you're one for holding grudges, aren't you?"
Heero peeled off the damp cloth off his forehead and sat up with
only a slight wince. A quick glance toward the window indicated that
it was already early evening. He had been out for several hours. A
warm hand gently brushed the hair away from his forehead and the Wing
pilot found himself holding his breath a bit as Duo-chan leaned close
to take a close look at his forehead. In that position, he had a
perfect view down Duo's loosely buttoned shirt... and he couldn't help
noticing that in his girl form, Duo filled out his pants very, very
nicely....
"It doesn't look too bad. I'm really sorry, Heero. Are you
okay?"
"Hn."
Duo sat back and said wryly, "Yup. Pretty much back to normal."
The Wing pilot noticed Dorothy Catalonia sitting in an nearby
armchair. Thankfully, she was back in her normal form, unlike Duo.
He scowled at her and demanded, "Jusenkyo?"
Dorothy sipped her steaming cup of tea and nodded, a sour look on
her face.
"And Relena?"
"Her, too."
"How the hell did that happen?"
Duo dropped onto the sofa next to Heero and said, "Somehow she
followed me and the others to Jusenkyo. I guess she thought that you
were coming along with us."
"So both she and Dorothy are cursed, too?"
"Yeah. Dorothy here turns into some sort of super sexy cat girl."
The Catalonia rolled her eyes in annoyance as Heero muttered, "I
noticed."
"And Relena turned into a guy with an overactive libido."
The Wing pilot glanced around and said, "And where is Relena?"
Duo jerked his thumb at a closed door. "After we managed to
change her back to normal, she's locked herself
in her room and now
she won't come out."
Suddenly the door of Relena's room was thrown open. The
Peacecraft stood in the doorway, fully dressed and looking all pale
and tragic as she clutched a large lacey handkerchief to her bosom.
"Oh Heeroooo...." She ran forward and nonchalantly shoved
Duo-chan off the sofa. As the braided pilot landed on the floor with
a grunt, Relena flung herself at Heero and clutched desperately at his
shirt.
As Duo got up and brushed off his pants, Relena sobbed, "You're
the only one who can help me! How can I possibly live like this!
You've got to find a cure and deliver me from this hellish curse!"
An unsympathetic Dorothy muttered, "Oh please, spare me the
histrionics."
Oblivious to the Wing pilot's glare, the Peacecraft buried her
head against his chest and began to soak his shirtfront with her
copious tears.
"You just HAVE TO do this for me, Heero!"
Duo, Heero, and Dorothy all exchanged exasperated looks.
Quotes from upcoming parts....
-- Incredibly cutesy girl: "Oh look! What an adorable pig!"
<locks collar onto T-chan> "Now you're all mine, Alphonse!"
-- UMICWR ("unidentified male in cloak with rose"): "Yes, I will
save the beautiful braided Duo Maxwell from the clutches of that foul
Heero Yuy! For I am Satin Cape!" <swirl of rose petals>
Author's Notes:
For anyone not familiar with Ranma 1/2, Jusenkyo is full of
springs that curse people who fall in one of its springs. A cursed
person changes into different sex, person, animal, monster, or entity
when hit with cold water. The cursed individual reverts back to
his/her normal form and/or personality when doused with hot water.
I'm borrowing the basic idea of Jusenkyo curses from Ranma 1/2, but
I've changed a few things to suit my own crazy whims. ^_^ While the
victims have a superficial knowledge of their curses, they may not be
aware of the various subtleties of their individual curses.
A quick guide to the curses (and nicknames):
Duo - Spring of the Drowned Girl (Duo-chan)
Trowa - Spring of the Drowned Piglet (T-chan)
Quatre - Spring of the Drowned Desert Wildcat (Quatre-neko)
Wufei - Spring of the Drowned Male Fire Mini-Dragon
(Wufei-draco)
Treize - Spring of the Drowned Female Ice Mini-Dragon
(Treize-ryu)
Une - Spring of the Drowned Panda (Une-panda)
Zechs - Spring of the Drowned 5-Tailed Kitsune/Youko
Dorothy - Spring of the Drowned Sex Kitten Neko-girl
(Dorothy-neko)
and last, but not least....
Relena - Spring of the Nearly Drowned Indestructible Hentai
Teenage Boy, also known as the Spring of the Nearly Drowned Ataru (of
Urusei Yatsura fame) (Relena-kun)
The Full Disclaimer
All rights and privileges to Shin Kidousenki Gundam Wing are
trademarks and property of Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency, and
associated parties. All rights and privileges to Ranma 1/2 belong to
Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Viz Communications, Inc., and associated
parties. The characters of these works are used WITHOUT permission
for the purpose of entertainment only. This work of fiction is not
meant for sale or profit.
Original portion of the fiction included here is considered to be
the sole property and copyrighted to the author.
Send MadamHydra feedback!
Read more fics by the author at her homepage, Madamhydra's Lair.
[This fic is incomplete. More will be posted as it's written ^_^]