Music EStephen Trondheim
Lyrics ETim Price
Book Eexceptionally loosely adapted from the works of Kouta Hirano and Chiaki Konaka
ACT 1
As the audience enters, the Hellsing logo is projected onto the curtain. The lights dim to leave it highlighted against the curtain. A sharp, clear, authoritative female voice is heard, that of INTEGRA:
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| INTEGRA(VO): | In the name of God, impure souls of the living
dead shall be banished into eternal damnation.Amen! |
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The OVERTURE plays, an orchestral arrangement of Logos Naki World. Lots of dramatic string playing, flutes playing impossibly fast scales and timpanis.
The curtain rises to reveal:
EXT: forest. Night. Trees jut out menacingly from the sides and back of the stage. A red moon hangs at stage left on the backdrop, and the whole stage is bathed in the dimmest light possible, with a faint red tinge.
SERAS enters cautiously from the side, holding her gun in stereotypical Cagney and Lacey manner. She crosses towards centre stage. 1st Violins play pizzicato menacingly as 2nd Violins bow rapidly. An owl hoots.
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| SERAS: | Anyone there? Hello? Anyone who isnt going to kill me? What happened to you all? Guys?
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A pair of glowing grey/white eyes lights up on a tree Ethink Cats, but eeeeevil. Clarinets wail in warning. SERAS swings round with gun pointed, but the lights have gone.
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| SERAS: | Whos there? Whats going on? |
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Another set of eyes lights up. SERAS whirls to catch it this time, but other eyes light up all over the stage and the lights suddenly brighten to reveal a gang of GHOULS, whove been hiding in the trees.
They DANCE, chasing Seras around the stage. She shoots two down, but the others come after her, so she keeps running around in standard musical style. As she does so, a church appears from stage right (trollied on) ESERAS runs inside, the GHOULS falling back. The screen at the back lifts and the following set moves to front of stage, the trees receding into the wings:
INT: church. Fairly plain, rows of pews (4 by 2?) and an austere altar at the back of the stage. The only distinguishing feature being a massive window above the altar that lets in the blood red light from before, and the gratuitous numbers of lit candles everywhere. A PRIEST stands at the altar. He looks perfectly innocuous, obviously. Driving rock music starts.
SONG : SERAS IS TURNED
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| SERAS: | OH FATHER, WONT YOU HELP ME?
IM BEGGING YOU NOW
THERES A HORDE OF ANGRY SOLDIERS OUT THERE
WANTING ME FOR CHOW.
THIS TOWNS BEEN GOING CRAZY
ITS DRIVING ME INSANE.
AND NOW MY BLOODY UNIT
ONLY WANTS ME FOR MY BRAIN!
OH PLEASEEBR>
CAN YOU CHANGE THIS AROUND?
GET MY LIFE OFF THE GROUND
AND STOP THIS YEARNING
TO BE SOMETHING ELSE
ILL DO ANYTHING TO MAKE THINGS GO RIGHT.
OH FATHER, GIVE ME SAFETY,
IM PRAYING NOW, PLEASE
THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG IN CHEDDAR
AND ITS REALLY NOT THE CHEESE
INVESTIGATING MURDER
IS VERY WELL AND GOOD
BUT NOT WHEN ALL THE CORPSES
SEEK YOUR OWN FOR FOOD!
OH PLEASEEBR>
CAN YOU CHANGE THIS AROUND?
GET MY LIFE OFF THE GROUND
AND STOP THIS YEARNING
TO BE SOMETHING ELSE
ILL DO ANYTHING TO MAKE THINGS GO RIGHT.
I cant escape them, but I dont want to run away. I cant be the rookie girl cop forever!
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The PRIEST smiles. The organ starts up as the orchestra takes back over Ethis seems alrightE/i>
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| PRIEST: | MY CHILD, OUR DEAR LORD GOD ABOVE IS WATCHING ALL
I AM HIS HUMBLE SERVANT, AT HIS BECK AND CALL
I BOW BEFORE HIS INFINITELY POWERFUL RULE
BUT SCREW GOD, ALL I WANT RIGHT NOW IS TO MAKE YOU A GHOUL!
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The rock music starts up again. The PRIEST bares his fangs, and GHOULS pop up from beneath the pews. They advance on SERAS with stylish choreography as the PRIEST returns to the previous tune. He beckons SERAS towards him and she moves as if hypnotised.
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| PRIEST: | OH PLEASEEBR>
IM GONNA CHANGE YOU AROUND
SO, GIRL, GET DOWN ON THE GROUND (she does so)
ILL QUENCH THAT YEARNING
TO BE SOMETHING ELSE
YOU WILL DO EVERYTHING FOR ME FROM TONIGHT.
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SERAS and the PRIEST rock outE as do the GHOULS.
(sung in duet)
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| PRIEST: | OH PLEASEEBR>
IM GONNA CHANGE YOU AROUND
SO, GIRL, GET DOWN ON THE GROUND
ILL QUENCH THAT YEARNING
TO BE SOMETHING ELSE
YOU WILL DO EVERYTHING FOR ME FROM TONIGHT.
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| SERAS: | OH PLEASEEBR>
NOT THAT KIND OF AROUNDEBR>
NO!
NO!
NO!
WONT SOMEONE HELP ME MAKE THINGS ALRIGHT?
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SERAS screams. All the candles blow out, and everyone stops moving. Theres no light Eeven through the window. Silence for a few beats. A low chuckle starts up, getting louder as the orchestra builds up from nothing until ALUCARDS THEME comes in, jazzy and full of saxophones.
Red spotlight from the window if poss. on ALUCARD, who has appeared from rising through the stage while the lights were off. He continues laughing as his theme plays and the GHOULS, SERAS and PRIEST look on.
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| ALUCARD: | WHAT A FAKE, WHAT A WASTE
A DISGRACE TO MY RACE
YOURE A FREAK, USELESS JUNK
TIME TO DIE NOW, YOU PUNK
THERES A TAINT TO YOUR BLOOD
NOW ITS WORTHLESS, LIKE CRUD
YOU WILL NEVER BEAT ME
IN VAMPIRE MASTERY!
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| PRIEST: | Stay back, whoever you are, you monster! I still have the girl!
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The GHOULS are frozen in shock. The PRIEST holds SERAS in front of him as a protection. ALUCARD snorts. Spot on SERAS, music cuts. Alucard withdraws an enormous gun from within his coat.
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| ALUCARD: | You know what he wants, police girl?
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SERAS nods her head slightly.
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| | To kill him, Ill have to shoot through your liver. You would die from blood loss after a short while. Unless, of course, youre willing to make a sacrifice, police girl?
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SERAS sings haltingly.
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| SERAS: | OH PLEASEEBR>
CAN YOU CHANGE THIS AROUND?
GET MY LIFE OFF THE GROUND
AND STOP THIS YEARNING
TO BE SOMETHING ELSE
ILL DO ANYTHING TO SURVIVE TONIGHT.
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| ALUCARD: | Done.
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Alucard raises the gun and fires. BLACKOUT. The Orchestra swells massively for the scene change to rampant applauseEBR>
TO BE CONTINUED
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